Welcome back. It's been a while.
A few years, I think? Since Pizza, Sex & Other Shit was a thing. There was that one blog I did last year on white feminists (it went viral among white feminists!! I even got fan mail) And I know what you're thinking - WHERE THE FUCK DID IT ALL GO?
Well, I honestly don't know. I couldn't remember the login details, I keep changing emails, phone numbers, locations, jobs, sexual preferences - I mean who can really keep up? Definitely not Wordpress. So while my painfully entertaining single tales of 2015 and my brilliant abortion blog of 2016 has disappeared into the archives of a lesser than CMS platform for peasants, I shall rise again.
And I'm not doing this for myself, hell no. This is for you, because you've put up with terrible writing from white feminists, racists, boring ass content and people with no talent for too long. I haven't done jury duty, and now I am pretty sure I never will because this is my way of serving the nation. You're fucking welcome.
I guess the best place to begin is with my current status and then pray that your bad aunty gets her flow back. I'm glad to say: stable, non pregnant, pretty gay, 100% an asshole, very good at cooking but usually only order uber eats, semi lonely, a bit chubbier, down 3 wisdom teeth, substance abuse reduced greatly, new friends = many. Lost friends? At least one, I think. Creatively juiced up like a dude bro at the gym, 10/10 fucked off and nothing gets me going like arguing with dumb people on the internet.
One thing I have come to learn recently, is that I am not valuable to anyone here. As in, where I live. In Wellington, you are considered someone if you've got an adult job or working in hospo; studying political science, spouting off some pseudo-science bullshit you read in an old ass textbook, mashed in with some backwards theories about Marx or white feminism - all while in the El Horno smoking area.
"Jade, you're being incredibly offensive in not listening to this theory about Māori people I memorised for POLS101. Also did I tell you I'm learning Te Reo? I say Pēpi instead of baby and aroha instead of love. I'm fucking intersectional, I totally get it, babes!"
For someone reason, everyone in Auckland seems to be really clean; they've all got cars, seem to always have money and don't really smoke, they've never heard of pegging and they couldn't give a flying fuck if you're successfully balancing crippling mental illness and substance abuse with your semi grown up job. They call themselves entrepreneurs (code for: I don't have a job but I've got some ideas my parents are funding)
It had me pretty shook for a while. And then I realised: I'm 25 - I should probably stop arguing with trolls on the internet and do something better with my time. So, I'll attempt to grow up just a little bit and just shade the fuck out of it here.
Xoxo Bad Aunty Jade.